Simplicity is Beauty | Perfectly Imperfect

As I was lying in bed, getting ready to sleep, while watching my husband's face, tears suddenly fell from my eyes. I've been trying to be strong not to cry and be sad but at that moment when I touched his face I cried. I tried to stop but couldn't. I cried so hard. In our quiet, dark room all I can hear is my sniffing. I backed away and just stared at the wall while crying. Just thinking that he's going away soon and that we'll never see each other for quite some time makes me so sad. Then my husband hugged me, I cried even harder, I really couldn't stop. Then I heard him sniffing. Maybe he's crying too. I wanted to face him but didn't. When I had the courage to face him, he hid his face from me. He didn't want me to see him crying. I know he's sad too. I know he's going to miss me too. But we can't do anything. We just have to be strong. He's going away for us too, for our future...

You know, my husband and I had a relationship for 8 years before we got married. We are now married for a year, going 2 years on October, a total of 10 years altogether. And within this relationship, we've never experienced what other partners, boyfriend/girlfriend had experienced: that is the fear of being pregnant. Because when we started to do the deed premaritally, we were already taught to use contraceptives. My family is so open that my mom actually introduced me to pills when she knew that I wasn't a virgin anymore. She was just being practical and open too because a lot of women (especially teens) get pregnant just like that. She just wants to be sure that I won't get pregnant at that time because I wasn't ready yet, we (my boyfriend, now husband, and I) were not ready yet (although we weren't teenagers anymore). So I continued to use the pills up to a time that my boyfriend (now husband) said that I should already stop. He feared that I might not get pregnant anymore when the time comes because of that. So I stopped then he used the condom. We used this contraceptive method until we got married. From that time up to now, we never ever used any contraceptives anymore, of course, because we already want to start a family. We've been trying and trying, but up to now, going 2 years married, I'm not pregnant yet. I thought I was pregnant when my period didn't arrive on the expected date (last Feb. 18). I have regular menstruation (last period was Jan. 21). But as my husband and I were strolling the mall today, my period came. I was about to buy a pregnancy test kit for crying out loud! I really was expecting "this is it!". I was praying too. But sadly, a false alarm...Darn! My husband is going away to work abroad next Thursday and we will not see each other for 6 months! I want to be pregnant so that he'll be inspired and happy even though we're not together because we're going to have a baby. I know he already wants one so badly. I really want to have a baby too, my own child...but it didn't happen...When will it happen?!

Well, my husband and I went out with some friends and family last Valentine's Day, February 14th. All in all there were 18 of us. Some didn't have partners, some have. We met up in a music bar (The Big Grill) and just drank. Conversations here and there. Everyone was chilling. At first, we were inside the bar then we transferred to the tables outside so that we can all smoke freely. Still drinking, we played spin the bottle (imagine 20+ year olds playing that) and really had a laugh. We met some new friends there too (friends of my step-brother). Everyone was just enjoying the company of each other. It didn't matter if some didn't have partners that day, they have the company of their friends, we were there for them to share Valentine's Day, so it was really nice. We got home by 2am and I was so drunk. I slept the whole time in the car going home, then just dropped in the bed without changing clothes. I had to come to the office early in the morning (for my part-time job) but can't really (as in literally) get up! I just told my husband to call the office that I can't get there because I'm really not feeling well. I was just in the room all day yesterday, that's how bad I was feeling. But although I'm not ok the next day, at least we had a great Valentine's Day, and that's what counts, I don't go out that often you know...

Holy week this year (2008) is from March 16th to March 22nd. I was very curious as to how do they determine when this week is so I searched for answers on the web. Below is what I found.

I was walking down the street when I saw lion chained on the neck in front of a big white house. I stopped for a moment and was shocked because how could anyone have a lion as a pet? I looked at him and he growled and growled, he was so mad as soon as he saw me. I walked passed him even though I was so scared, thinking he was tightly chained so it was safe to pass by. Still walking down the street, as I was turning on the curve, I hear this growling again getting louder and louder. Suddenly, a lion jumped over and landed on a boulder in front of me. I was so scared while looking at him. He was searching for someone. Then as soon as he saw me, he jumped down the boulder then chased me. I was running for my life! We were just circling on the same area, running and running. I don't want to be eaten alive, I don't want to die! The police came but they couldn't do anything. I was so scared, heart beating so fast and was bathed with sweat. I still ran and ran, then all of a sudden the lion became a man while chasing me. He looked like a wild man, with long hair, tattoos, he looked like he haven't had a shower his entire life. Just think of a lion that became a man. Fierce eyes, sharp teeth, still a lion but in a man's body. I was still running for my life! And the worst part is, that wild man duplicated, now there were two of them chasing after me. I don't know what to do anymore, I was so tired. But as soon as I was giving up, my husband came and saved me. He wore a white coat and red tie, he was so handome. The wild man just vanished in thin air after my husband defeated him. The other one ran away and never came back.

Then I woke up! Crazy dream huh? A nightmare! It was really scary...good thing my husband was there, if it weren't for him, maybe I didn't wake up anymore...